Oh how time flies… Six Months ago people actually cared abut 50 Shades of Grey. Its release was a big deal. There were queues to see it, hundreds of feet of column inches dedicated to it and scandal over its depiction of gender politics.

If you absolutely must, buy it here.

Now, on the day of its DVD and Blu Ray release, people barely bat an eye lid. And why? Because it is still only an average film despite masquerading as sensational, shocking and relatable.

It’s not that the clunk dialogue is even much of a problem or that the cliche ridden performances are particularly bad. It’s  simply that it all feels terribly safe and boring. Written by and for middle-aged women looking to spice up their life in a mum friendly way, is a sure fire way to two hours of tedium.

Other than a couple of moments during a contract writing scene, it is devoid of laughs, it is ridiculously melodramatic and even its unique selling point (the ‘oh so kinky’ sex) is no more than you’d see in the average Lars Von Trier Film (See Nymphomaniac for more details…).

The Unseen Edition,released today, is basically a marketing ploy to try and convince you that it’s a little naughtier for those disappointed in the cinema but in reality it is no more provocative than the original. In fact it all seems even less exciting because you’ve seen it all before in the cinema.

And to top it all off, one of the few good aspects of the film is ruined. The ending – which almost single handedly convinced punters to come back to see its sequel – has been tampered with to include a ludicrously cliched and terribly misconceived montage of romantic ‘highlights’ of the movie. Yes, it is as terrible as it sounds. Not only is it unbearably sickly but it also comes close to ruining the beautiful “Say You Love” by Jessie Ware (one of the best songs of last year).

In short, the event of the film’s release undoubtedly made it feel more worthy at the time…. and even then it was hardly Citizen Kane.

50 Shades of Grey is still not terrible. It’s fun in its own way and its stars give it their best shot with some poor material. But it’s nowhere near as good as it should – or probably could – be. The Unseen Edition is also considerably worse than the original. Don’t fall for the marketing, if you absolutely must see it, stick with the original.

50 Shades of Grey – The Unseen Edition is Out Now on DVD, Blu-Ray and Download. Find it here.

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About the author

Harry Parkhill

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I am the Editor for the Evans Review. I have previous experience working as a writer and editor for dozens of publications, including The Daily Telegraph, MSN, the Editorial section of (now defunct) LOVEFiLM, Kettle Mag and Journalism-Now Politically right of centre.